There's an unusual phenomenon that occurs with the average citizen and their estimation of the abilities of local law enforcement. It normally goes from one extreme to the other.
The first example is best illustrated by the following phrases: "You can't come in my house. I don't care what that warrant says", "You can't talk to me, I wasn't read my rights." These are the "You Can'ts." They believe that no matter what you are attempting to do, it is clearly far beyond the scope of your authority.
On the other side of the spectrum are the "Why Can'ts?"
"I just told you that guy is a drug dealer. Why can't you just go arrest him?"
"This guy just shouted something mean at me from his car. Why can't you pepper spray him?"
These folks just cannot fathom why being a police officer doesn't entitle you to simply walk into someone's house and scream, "Surrender the drugs! Your neighbor said you're up to no good!"
And I don't mean to call these people stupid. They probably aren't. They just lack the basic understanding of our country's legal system. I guess that's understandable. Public schooling just ain't what it used to be, right?
Of course, those folks aren't alone in their quest to befuddle the poor, overworked patrol officer. Just in case the "You Can't" and "Why Can't" are all tied up that day, we've also got the "Overwhelmed Parent."
The Overwhelmed Parent is good for at least a few confusing encounters per week. You might run into one in the store, waiting in line, when little Johnny decides to start crying that he can't get a Snickers bar. Overwhelmed Parent will grab the kid, shake him, and say, "You'd better stop crying or I'm going to tell this police officer to ARREST YOU!"
This person is an idiot.
Call me crazy, but I would think it is better to create a trusting relationship between your child and the police. I would think that you would want your child to think of cops as people who will help them if they are in danger, who will protect them under any circumstances. I'm not quite sure that we should be the people who arrest them because they cried in a store.
Or, you get the Overwhelmed Parent who takes you aside and says, "My Little Johnny is starting to be a handful. Can you do me a favor? Can you just SCARE him a little? Put your handcuffs on him, throw him in the back of your car. Maybe you could even put him in your JAIL! That would be great! Wouldn't it? Could you!"
This person, also, is an idiot. Plus, they are now clearly blurring the lines between Overwhelmed Parent and a "Why Can't", because as sure as I am standing here, when you say no, they will be asking you why you can't just grab an innocent person, cuff them, drag them into your police car, and imprison them. I'm funny in that I don't really go out of my way to falsely arrest people, kidnap them, assault them, and then say, "Hey. Just playing." Particularly when they are four years old.
As Little Johnny gets older, and graduates from crying for his Snickers to becoming a problem for the local cops (who will now wish they'd taken the chance to put his little ass in jail all those years ago), Overwhelmed Parent may undergo an inexplicable and extreme change in behaviour. Suddenly, no matter what facts you confront this person with, they are simply incorrect because they are directed toward that person's child. These people cannot be reasoned with, and cannot be convinced. You just have to trust in the fact that they will reap what they sow. Believe me when I tell you that it will be far more painful for them to be confronted with Big Johnny's arrest for whatever felonious act of stupidity he eventually commits than it will be for you.
I've always felt that everyone is entitled to a little case of the assholes. If you are stopping them, making them late for work or picking up their kids (which they already are, which is why they were speeding in the first place), so that you can write them a $100 ticket, you have to cut them a little slack. They aren't going to be happy to see you. Don't take it personal. Let them know you are just doing your job, and move them along as best you can.
Unfortunately, a case of the assholes is highly contagious. It can be hard not to get sucked into an argument with someone in this situation. A little bit of maturity and professionalism goes a long way. Take it from someone who has found himself trying to explain an awkward comment or several dozen to his superior officers.
I really can't tell you how many people I've written tickets to, or arrested, or got into it with during the course of my career. I don't remember many of their names, or faces, or the details of what happened. It was just another day at the office.
I bet they remember me though.
The reason I say that is I can't tell you how many times I've had to hear people bitch and moan about some car stop, or some incident where the cop said this, or the cop said that. They know every detail of the cops demeanor, what he said, how he said it. Somewhere out there, some other poor cop is listening to a story about an incident where I pissed a person off.
Every party, every social gathering, somebody gets a hold of me and says, "You're a cop? Let me tell you about this ticket I got. This cop was such an asshole! There I was, minding my own business and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH."
I had a conversation recently where a young man was telling me that he was once stopped in relation to a suspicious vehicle investigation where the police believed the driver to be selling drugs.
This wasn't a problem for him. His problem arrived when he was later stopped by a different cop, in a different town, and the cop asked him, "Do you have any drugs in the car?"
This guy was very upset that somehow it was "on his record" that the police once thought he had drugs in his car. He wanted to know how to get it "off his record." No matter how I tried to explain to him that it is a standard question police ask people on most car stops, he didn't get it.
I then told him there is a special "record cleansing" amulet he can purchase from a Wiccan Priestess. All he had to do was put it around his neck, cover himself in cold bacon grease, and spin around chanting, "I will not be stupid anymore."
My point is, when you are a cop, having that aggravated conversation with someone, I want you to bear in mind that their mental tape recorder is running. They are recording EVERYTHING you say, everything you do, everything they THINK you are saying and doing. Not that you should be afraid to tell it how it is, or to be firm with people, but you really should avoid getting into silly exchanges. Long after you have forgotten them, they will still be talking about your sarcasm, ignorance, arrogance, or whatever. Try to bear in mind that it is our job to Protect and Serve.
Even the stupid.
Far and away, the worst person to deal with is the person who "knows" someone. They know the Chief. They know the mayor. They know your mama. They ARE your mama (Sorry Mom. Slow down next time, lead foot.). Every cop has heard it all.
You get name-droppers who want you to know who they know. This is meant to either be intimidating or impressive. Unfortunately, the sad reality is, I normally have no idea who any of the people are that are being named.
I don't know any politicians, high-ranking members of the State Police, township officials or high-octane businessmen. I really don't. I know victims, bad guys, cops, and a couple attorneys. That's about the extent of my business contacts. I don't even know the Chiefs of Police Departments that surround my PD, except for maybe two. I wouldn't know the others if I fell on them.
But, as a free service of The Enemy Blog, something I provide to my readers, I will now instruct you on the best possible way to address this situation.
If you are someone who "Knows Someone," the best possible thing you can do is be courteous to the police officer, thank him for his time, and then call whoever the someone you know is. Ask them what to do.
I'm not a big believer in FOP cards, or "Get Out of Jail Free" cards, or whatever you want to call them. You can probably buy them on Ebay. I don't think any cop in the whole world has ever been about to hand someone a ticket but backed off when they saw the person display some chintzy business card.
If you really know that cop, he'll call on your behalf. If he's a cop who's worth a squirt the first thing he'll ask is, "Did that person give you a hard time?" If the answer is no, that cop won't ask for a total wash. He'll ask for "Whatever can be done."
Of course, maybe he won't call. Maybe that cop has a whole flock of people like I do, who I only hear from when they are in a jam. What's worse, when my Dad moved out to Vegas, I inherited all the people who used to call HIM. Now they call me. Thank god for voice mail.
For as much as people think there is a separate track for those who "Know People", and that it entitles them to a different type of justice, or enforcement, or service, they are wrong. In all my years on The Job, I've only seen that come into play a few times, and it was in hiring situations. 99.9% of the time, it is someone's attitude that determines the outcome of their situation.
Not only have I locked up family members of other cops, I have locked up my own family members. (But that's another story). I doubt the son of your old babysitter who now works in a different county as a part-time deputy sheriff is going to go out of his way to help your dumb ass out.
The best advice I can give young cops is that you should draw on your own experiences, values, and insight, when you are dealing with the public.
For example, I recall a woman who called me about her son one night. I quickly qualified her, checking to see if she was Overwhelmed Parent, or suffering from a case of the "Why Can't's." She wasn't. She was just looking for a little advice.
"We live in a bad neighborhood, and I'm worried about my Little Johnny. There's a lot of drugs here, and some of his friends make me nervous. We don't have much money, and I'm looking for somewhere to take him, or something he can do."
I thought about it carefully. Suddenly, an idea dawned on me. "Why not take him to Barnes and Noble? You can spend the day there, get a cup of coffee, and hang out."
She said it sounded like a fantastic idea. She said she would let me know how it turned out. Much to my surprise, the next week she called.
"When we first got there, it didn't look good. Little Johnny was complaining the whole ride down. He wanted to hang out with his friends. We walked in the door, and I told him he had to go find something he was interested in. He stormed off, and I didn't see him again for a half-hour.
Well, when I went to check on him, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was sitting in the cafe, with a stack of books next to him. When it was time to leave, he didn't want to. He actually asked me to take him back there the next Friday night. Can you believe it?"
Of course I could.
Children, you see, just need a little structure. A little guidance. They are like soft wet balls of clay that you have to mold. I hung up the phone, proud to have done some molding. Proud to have used the sum of my intellect and experience to help, nay, SAVE that young man. Perhaps he'd become a doctor, or lawyer, or win the Noble Peace Prize. Perhaps he'd invite me, and thank me in his acceptance speech.
And then the mother called me back a few weeks later.
"I did take him back to Barnes and Noble. Every weekend. He'd bring a notepad and pens, and be gone for over two hours each time. Then, yesterday morning, I was in his room putting laundry away and I saw a padlock on his closet door. When I forced the door open, I found a small hydroponic facility inside, set-up exactly as his notes instructed. There were a few small flowerpots with plants growing inside.
So, I just wanted to thank you for your excellent suggestion about Barnes and Noble. It really helped my son get a headstart on his career as a clandestine marijuana laboratory facilitator."
Well, that basically ended my career as a juvenile career counselor. With my luck the kid will someday win the Cannibus Cup, not the Noble Peace Prize. I'll be invited to that award ceremoney, and during his acceptance speech, he'll stand up and say, "I owe it all to this police officer, who got me started on my way to developing this rare strain of weed."
And then the guy sitting next to me will lean over and say, "You're a cop? Let me tell you about this ticket I got..."
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